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Abhishek Gupta
4 min readJun 2, 2017

There are random theories coming around how our judges can be stupid. I was hurt to see people’s inclination to do contempt of the court and to our idea of Nation. If our judge has recommended the cow to be our National animal, then so be it. He is a fellow nationalist, and we must find ways to support HIM.

But I have an another suggestion, if I may? I have a suggestion for who our National animal can be. Our Women. Yes, you read it right. Who Offer Men’s Every Need aka WOMEN should be our National Animal.

Women are best suited to be our National animals for more than just one reason. For starters:

1 — Just like the animals they are perfect for our needs. Right doesn’t mind using an animal for their political gimmicks, while left doesn’t mind killing animals for food or as a symbol of protest to Right’s majority appeasement. Either way animals are meant to lose. RSS still barely finds a Woman more suited than anything but a sanskaari mother or a daughter-in-law. Her fierceness and independence are an issue for Mr. Pahlaj Nihalani who found their stories lady-oriented and a fantasy above life. I love it when I can still look down on Women, and talk about rapes in the same breath. Women are just so apt to fit our natural needs of free sex, free household work, and what not. Like sheep, they may not be able to give away their skin, but they can definitely stitch sweaters for your generations to come. Okay, you can pretend that you never read that.

2 — It may actually save them from eve-teasing, groping, rapes and so on. Imagine yourself groping the holy cow. You can’t right? Now, imagine your friend whistling at a girl, who you couldn’t stop. You can right? We have just accepted that it is fine if we don’t speak out when a girl is getting eve teased. Maybe once she is accorded the status of a National animal, then things may turn out to be reasonable for her.

3 — It will give us a lot of political mileage. Who would care about issues, if we come up with such a drastic change? If you find peacock and stories amusing, hold on, you have just bought the great freedom to not talk about real issues. Silently, critical public systems like ration and pension distribution are being left to the mercy of biometric authentications which aren’t working for 40% of the entitled people? Political funding has been made totally opaque. Don’t even get me started me on this, else you will need some more peacock jokes. No mor.

4 — Stand up comics used to joke so much about our WOMEN earlier. Good old sexist days. Kapil Sharma and his likes are still some heroes carrying on the legacy, but it is sad that the new age Snapchat-loving comedians are instead joking about animals. Women need to get back their position in our humor. Deja vu, right?

I guess at this point, I should just add an image of scantily clad slim white woman to keep you engaged in the article.

Did it work? I especially searched for peacock style dresses to add extra methods of reproduction.

5 — UNESCO will award India for being the best country to come up with the bestest innovation to have the most best National animal. I can’t wait to win how India will benefit from these great moves.

Btw, did you hear that we are losing out jobs to automation. But who should we blame for this? I have a few ideas.

For starters, I will ask Sheila Rashid how she wasn’t able to satisfy the customers whom she took money from. Let me present one of her photos in action. Abhijeet shared this with me over DM.

Or let me abuse Barkha Dutt for being a Woman and at the same time having opinions, which is reserved for men. I wonder, if I were a Woman I would have been labeled as a men hating pseudo-feminist for this post. I wonder why do we find it convenient to slander the term “feminist”, and every other term we can think of by adding pseudo.

Stop being a pseudo Nationalist for a start? A true Nationalist act. A true Nationalist builds. A true Nationalist unites the country, and if possible, even the World.

Stop this game of slandering strong Women as men haters. Stop calling someone a pseudo feminist, when you know nothing about feminism.

Stop killing animals for your leisure, specially animals bred in so poor conditions. What you won’t do yourself, don’t endorse by meekly being a part of it. Stop using animals for your political gimmicks and religious overtures for majority appeasement.